Monday, August 20, 2007

Boli Mnie Głowa!

You may ask why Alice has not updated in such a long time. . . well, my head hurts! I am so full of Polish words and phrases which I can say half the time and remember the meaning the other half. It has been a good time but also a frustrating time. For the past 3 days I have gone to class only out of obedience to God and why I am here. I am drinking Polish "water" out of a fire hose right now and my head is swimming!

Today, I think everyone felt this way. Few were understanding the teachers and the teacher's normal enthusiasm, well, just was not there. We are all tired and we still have another two weeks! Ahh!!!

God has been good though. Even today as I was feeling lost and sorry for myself, I was begging our Father for mercy. At break time, I was praying to remember the words that I am trying to learn and just can not keep in my head when my teacher from last semester asked to sit with me. She asked me how I was doing and I answered honestly, "smutny."(sad). She smiled and told me (in Polish) that all of her students were feeling that way today. Her siting down with me and speaking to me in Polish and my understanding it was God's mercy just moments after I cried for it. He has done something similar each time I have asked. One day I even left class, got into my car and cried tears of frustration. As I drove back to Skoczów, where I am staying, (about 20 minutes) a calm came on me, not peace, but calm. The next morning I drove the same way and the calm was replaced with peace. It was the first day that I has considered not going to class, but I did. Class was not easy, but it also was not "masakra!" (disaster!) It has been a wonderful, yet stretching time for me.

Next month I am not doing any Polish classes at all. My head needs time to settle and I need to use what I am learning. I am trying to find people in the church who will be willing to meet with me each day and just let me talk, or try to. :)

Please pray for me to stop listening to the lie that I need to get this all now in order to be a good steward of God's money. I am struggling with the the thought that I have to learn in big bites when everyone here says I need to take smaller ones. :) One day I am fine and the next, I hear the whispers. Please pray that I only listen to the voice of my Shepherd!


Dan Luebcke said...

Thanks for your great words Alice and a window into your soul. You'll be happy to know that while I was reading this post both Noah and Josiah exclaimed, "Look at that guy's head. That is awesome
!" You gotta love kids.

Pat R said...

How I understand what you're going through! I will keep praying for you, that you will continue to hang in there. Sometimes that's all you can do. I remember the days I spent in tears after class. Not fun, but you will make it. God is faithful.

Love you!

Crystal said...

Hang in there, Alice. If you need a break from Polish and want English (well American, anyway), you know I have a Vonage line! I'm praying for you on this. Love ya.

Jen said...

Thank you for being so vulnerable, Alice. I'm afraid I may be one of the people who heaped up onto you the pressure to learn the language NOW. I'm seeing now, though, that sometimes you just need a break. Sometimes it's just too much!

There really is so little that those of us safe at home understand about what your life overseas is like. I am continually humbled when I think of all that you go through. I'll be praying for you.

Christine Adhikari (Keller) said...

Don’t you love the way God humbles us? I know it has been a long time since I’ve visited your blog. I was curious to know how you’re doing, I’ve missed you so much! After reading you’re latest post, it seems like you need some advice and encouragement.

I think you already know that whenever you try to carry all the burden and responsibility yourself, you’ll inevitably wind up getting bogged down by your own perceived failures. I know this because I’ve done it to myself as well, many times! Allow God to carry the burden of glorifying His name and using you as His servant. Don’t ever think you are a disappointment to Him or to those who are supporting you just because you still feel inept with the language! God has a purpose for you and He is a patient God. So have some patience for yourself. Be comforted in the fact that God is in control, that He will be able to use you to glorify His Name whether you’re extraordinarily gifted in Polish or not. God doesn’t expect perfection – not even in speaking Polish. Who knows? He might even use your struggles as a means of drawing you closer to those who are teaching you the language. It sometimes surprises us, but God uses our struggles just as much as our skills and talents to draw His people closer to Himself. God be praised! I’ll be praying for you, sister!

Valentyna Stohova said...

"You may ask why Alice has not updated in such a long time."
wow! you are the best updater i know!
You make me feel guilty for my blog:)