Today is the memorial service for my grandmother, Isabel Krieger.
I am really torn. I wanted to be there with and for my family, and yet I wanted to honor her last request of me. What do I do? What do I do? I know some do not understand why I stayed in Poland while the rest of the family flew home. Maybe even some of family wonder why.
Honestly, I don't have to nor want to answer to anyone but my grandmother. Some of her last words to me were that if she died while I was here in Poland, I was to stay and not come home. It is interesting that God chose to take her home just a few weeks before our busy summer time and that even now, I am not able to fully mourn her departure. I think I have been doing that little by little as I was preparing to leave. I am not sure why I am writing this except that so many times, people do not share their hearts and just say what they think people want to hear and what they think is needed to be said.
I am really sad that I am not there. I am really happy though that I can commemorate Gram's life by doing TONS of ministry today. God is so good. I am doing what Grams wanted me to do and I even had two unscheduled times with Poles today and I would not have had them if I would not have been there.
It still does not satisfy the pulling of two directions. It still does not satisfy the longing I have in my heart to be with family. It still does not satisfy the fact that I am thousands of miles away from saying good-bye along with the rest of the family. What DOES satisfy though is the knowledge and TRUTH that I will see my Grams again and that she is in the arms of our Savior! It is not the end for us! It is just the beginning and I rejoice her homegoing even more than mourn her departure. I hate the fact that she is not here, but LOVE the fact that she is with Gramps and my uncle Renald David and all her friends who preceded her.
Oh, to be one who leaves this earth knowing that those who follow will find me faithful the the ONE who has called us to be His own. Thank you for the great example Grams! May I leave this earth with as much of a legacy.
3 comments:
I think you're doing the right thing, my friend. I think your gram knew that you could say goodbye to her in a million ways, and not just at a service in a church. She wanted you to spend your money on something else, and your time on the living, I think.
Do something to share/spread her legacy today. Sometimes to remember my dad, we turn down the heat and tell each other to put on a sweater :) Sometimes it's something more serious and deep.
Remember things you did with her and she taught you. That is how her legacy lives on. Not just at the service.
You don't need to make excuses or explanations to anyone. You're doing what your gram said to do, and your heart is confirming.
Praying for you, my friend.
-Mo
Alice,
I just wanted you to know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and we understand why you chose to stay in Poland. I also wanted to thank you for sending the letter Kevin read at Grandma Isy's memorial service today. He did a wonderful job sharing your feelings and stories of her. I especially enjoyed the dream you shared. It's great to know that Con & Isy & Vic & Mary & Sherm & Helen are all together again now with Christ. Keep up the good work because I know she's very proud of you!
Your loving brother,
Chuck
She will be watching over you for sure.
You can watch over your family too. Protect their futures. Check out my blog for the many ways to do so:
http://whitebuffalowomangoessinging.blogspot.com/
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